WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
