3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
