my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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