I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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