Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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