You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
