I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
