$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
