As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
