Sry I called you an 8
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
