I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So many bounce houses so little time
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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