wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
