we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
