It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
