How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
