Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
