i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
