So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
