ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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