That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
