How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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