I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
