Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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