Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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