White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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