My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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