i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
