her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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