Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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