Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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