Pregnant stripper...not hot.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
