Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
