PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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