1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
