Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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