I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize