just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
