You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
