ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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