that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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