My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
