By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
