a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
