operation have a gay friend backfired
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
