if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
