Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
