seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
