Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
