dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
