Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
