Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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