Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
