After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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