Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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