also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
