Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
