after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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