paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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