She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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