6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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