My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
