Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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