he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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