$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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