My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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