it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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