girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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