Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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